Monday, September 21, 2015

Extending a niche genre (parodies of Beach Boy songs from a Republican perspective) as GOP crabs in the presidential barrel keep clicking claws

Will he be the GOP's man in '16?
For the past few hours, the essence of what follows has been up on Facebook. Such a longish status report seems to mean that FB is resisting my attempt to touch up a few places, so I'm making a blog post out of it. Originally, I figured this kind of lark lowers the dignity of my blog. Then, I found I was having a hard time figuring out what that means.

Anyway, many of you remember John McCain's fragmentary parody of the Beach Boys' "Barbara Ann" several years ago. It was lamentable both as policy and as satire: "Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran."

Now I'm adding hardly any more distinction to the tiny genre as I reflect on the roiling Republican field (now shrinking slightly) of presidential hopefuls, tweaking the Beach Boys' "Help Me Rhonda." I've encountered some punditry over the past few months suggesting a boomlet in favor of Mitt Romney might be in the offing, despite his sound defeat in 2012.

Herewith, an appropriate song I can imagine being sung by a walkaround character (a lead vocalist dressed in an elephant suit) impersonating the Republican establishment. On the chorus, Sen. McCain and GOP chairman Reince Priebus will no doubt be joining in with gusto. (We already know that McCain will nail the "bom, bom" bass line.)


Help Me, Romney




I’ve been watching all these clowns till I’m just about out of my head
Coming up with something worse than whatever Donald Trump just said.

Well, Romney, you know what I mean
When I say you could sweep the field clean,
So come on and help me, Romney,
Help me get them out of the way.

Help me, Romney,
Help, help me, Romney,
Help me, Romney,
Help, help me, Romney,
Help me, Romney,
Help, help me, Romney,
Help me, Romney,
Help, help me, Romney,
Help me, Romney,
Help, help me, Romney,
Help me, Romney,
Help, help me, Romney,
Help me, Romney, yeah,
Get them out of the way.

Next year, I bet the givers and the takers will both want you:
If we avoid disaster at the polls, we’ll tolerate a gaffe or two.

Well, Romney, you’ve caught my eye,
You should really give it one more try;
You gotta help me, Romney,
Help me get them out of the way.

Help me, Romney,
Help, help me, Romney,
Help me, Romney,
Help, help me, Romney,
Help me, Romney,
Help, help me, Romney,
Help me, Romney,
Help, help me, Romney,
Help me, Romney,
Help, help me, Romney,
Help me, Romney,
Help, help me, Romney,
Help me, Romney, yeah,
Get them out of the way.