Saturday, September 10, 2016

Imagine if all the "thou shalt nots" had been communicated to Moses' people via Facebook. Oh, the comments!

Stone tablets are heavy: What if Moses had posted them on Facebook?
After a certain amount of exposure to social media, you develop your own directives to yourself on how to use them. You can call these commandments, because they are laws you would like to follow to maximize the role of your pleasure working with your conscience in staying positive.

That resolve weakens if you regularly go into comment threads, however, particularly those generated by controversial issues. Even occasional succumbing to curiosity about comment threads can make you feel bad. So I formulated this personal  commandment (usually observed): "Thou Shalt Not Read Comments Online."

That got me to thinking:What if Moses had put the Ten Commandments as received from God on Facebook, and what if his people had been able to share their thoughts and opinions on the new laws via comment thread? I won't reproduce Moses' original post, which can be read in Exodus 20:1-17.  But here is some of the discussion the Ten Commandments might have aroused:


desertpup

A strong list! Now we finally have something to hold us together. Way to go, Moses!

mannamuncher

OK, but I see a lot of godly vanity here. Look how it starts out. It's all about Him, isn't it?

amalekhater2

What did you expect, moron? It's Jehovah's LAW! He has to establish his authority. Sheesh!!

redsearighteous

And give Him props for warning Moses to keep the rest of us away. This is a god who's earned our respect, don't you think?

desertpup

Word! There are some confusing things here, though. Like, how am I supposed to keep my cattle from working on the Sabbath? Too much detail in this commandment, IMHO.

amalekhater2

The devil's in the details, bro! You figure it out.

desertpup

Just sayin' people can keep the Sabbath, though it won't be easy. But to get cattle not to work? How do you know if cattle are working or not working anyway? They're just cattle.


amalekhater2

LMAO! BTW, I love that if I honor my parents, I'll live a long time.

mannamuncher

Yeah, what's with that? Notice there are no rewards mentioned for not killing or not committing adultery.
Couldn't Moses have negotiated a few more goodies to incentivize us?

unmoistenedfoot

Moses is a nebbish, let's face it. What I want to know is why Aaron didn't handle the negotiations?

desertpup

Look, bozo: Jehovah says up front he brought us out of Egypt. Who can forget that? That's all the reward we need, He thinks. Aaron is a slick dude, but go easy on Moses, for Christ's sake!

redsearighteous

Don't be getting all proleptic on us, desertpup! Let me add: After the waters closed over the Pharaoh's men, we were fed in the wilderness, remember.

mannamuncher

Yeah, but only after Jehovah heard our murmurings, as Moses called them. It was an acquired taste, manna was.

desertpup

Kvetching comes natural to us. It's in our blood. A god who can't deal with complaining Jews would be a loser.

redsearighteous

All right: Let's talk about bearing false witness. If there's an evil guy in our midst -- and I'm sure we could all name names -- I want to be able to bear false witness against him. Any kind of witness should be OK — true, false, whatever. I mean: Jehovah doesn't have to live with this kind of guy. He's so high and mighty sometimes it drives me crazy.

mannamuncher

That's his prerogative, I guess. OK, redsearighteous, and how about that no-coveting thing at the end? That'll never fly. Coveting makes us human. Jehovah can scare us good, but sometimes he just isn't relatable. I'm suggesting we ignore that one. What's the worst that can happen?

amalekhater

You shouldn't ask.